You've just got to love this set of journalism rules from Michael Rosenberg (via Roy Greenslade, who says: 'they strike me as being uncomfortably true to life'). I can't say they don't strike a chord with me, here's a few of my favourite ones (all nine here):
2. Be balanced. No matter what anybody says, find somebody to say the opposite. If a scientist claims to have a cure for cancer, find somebody who says cancer does not exist. If a man says "My name is Fred," make sure you find somebody who says "No, your name is Diane." Etc.
5. Internet, Schminternet. It will be gone in five years. People will always love reading a newspaper - and so will you, our intrepid reporter, once you accept our redundancy offer.
7. When appearing on television, insinuate that all newspaper reporters are biased. When writing for a newspaper, imply that all television people are boobs with no credibility. When at the bar afterward, complain that nobody trusts journalists anymore.
Update 16.08.2009: the link to Rosenberg's piece is broken, seems article has since been removed from Detroit Free Press, but Greenslade lists eight of the rules and the ninth is mentioned in the comments of his post.